Open letter to the "bachelor" husband

This is an open letter to the husbands who lead a double life..

To the husband who has those single friends, we all know what single friends I'm  talking about. The ones who call when there's a party they just have to hit up.

To the husband who has those married friends too, whose wives don't complain as much as you about his plans.

To the husband that says, "You seemed fine that I was leaving, why is this such a problem now?"

To the husband that doesn't answer your calls at 2am, and later says he didn't want to upset you with his drunk voice.

To the husband that says you're overreacting, it was just a guys night out.

And finally, to the husband that breaks his promise..

Maybe if you opened your eyes and saw your wife, you would see her eyes well up when your phone dings, knowing that you are leaving again, knowing she's going to be alone again, knowing the kids won't see their dad for bedtime story... again. But there's a party, a concert with last minute tickets, a couple beers to celebrate a birthday with the guys, so you don't look at your wife as she asks if you'll be late. You don't make eye contact as she leans in for a kiss goodbye.

And your married buddies may brag that their wives don't care, but I assure you,  as a wife who sometimes tries so hard not to care, it's not true. Your friends don't see their wives, their tears, their pain, just as you fail to see your wife before you.

And maybe she put on her brave face, knowing that nothing will change your mind when you leave. It looks like she's fine as you head out the door. What you don't see is her bowing her head as tears break loose when she hears your car drive off. She seems fine because she knows if she fights you on your decision, you will leave angry. And she also, maybe just a tiny bit, hopes that by pretending not to care, the pain won't be as bad...

And sure, you want to look like the good guy, protecting your wife from your drunken voice and profanity. But really, she's trying to get a hold of you because she heard there's been an accident in the area you were going to be. She wants to hear your voice to know you're okay. She's sitting at home, wringing her hands, sick to her stomach that something has happened and sleep eludes her completely.

And she might be overreacting to you, since you don't see her sitting alone in a dark room, startled at every sound she hears. It might be overreacting to you,  since your friends are free to do what they want and you're tied down and controlled by her. But she knows you get handsy when you drink and she knows you're at a nightclub.. her mind goes places no wife should imagine, of grinding and groping on a dance floor with strangers. Her heart is ripping in half when she later sees the call list and notices you only didnt take her calls that night. All other calls you answered and even called people back. She feels alone, hated, discarded... so she might seem like she's overreacting to you.

And a promise... even small, between you and your wife should be sacred. But to you it's just words, words you say so she doesn't cry or beg for you to stay... you promise it's one drink, you promise no clubs, you promise it's only an hour, maybe two. Each broken promise weighs her down, she wants to believe, she does believe... but morning comes and she's alone on the couch... holding her phone, the call log showing the calls you won't answer... she meets each sunrise, because she can't sleep, she's worried. She's angry. She's once again heartbroken.

So, to the bachelor husband, who's living a double life, I say to you in hopes that you aren't too late... open your eyes and look at your partner in this life. She may be the mother of your children already, or she had dreams to be in the future. She will look different than the girl you dated, who loved to be out all night by your side. She will have bags under her eyes from lack of sleep. If you look close enough, you might even see the pain in her eyes from the weight she carries and you'll see that she's oh so tired. Before it's too late, look at your wife and remember why you married her. Remember the vows you made to her. Remember telling her you won't ever hurt her. She doesn't deserve the pain, the shame, nor the anger that burdens her. Before it's too late, look at your wife and ask yourself, does she really deserve to be married to a bachelor?